This notice is to be posted

VERY LOW

on the refrigerator door

nose height to be precise.
 

Dear Dogs,

PS.  This means all of you even those who think they are human...

Let's start:

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food.

The other dishes are mine and contain my food.

Also Please Note:

Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

NEXT:

The hallway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack.  

Beating me to the end is not the object. 

Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

NEXT:

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed.

I am very sorry about this.

Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort.

It is also not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible.

I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

NEXT:

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom.  

If by some miracle I beat you there and  manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, and try to turn the knob or get  your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open.

I must exit through the same door I entered.

Also importrant to know:

I have been using the bathroom for years therefore canine attendance is not required.

FINALLY:

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog’s butt.

I cannot stress this enough!

 

Consider that you have been told.

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